My Journey

ahh...so much to share!

4th of july, scrapbooking,....life. you now have reserved the right to roll your eyes...or say "whatever kate", the next time i say i'm taking a break from blogging! i never stay away long. i've had such a relaxing weekend so far...i felt the urge to write, so here i am!

this is gonna' be a huge post. :) ready?

how was your 4th of july?? we had such a nice day. i was determined this weekend...to live in the moment. to really try to not think at all of the crap in my life right now. and of course, the thoughts came. but i didn't allow myself to dwell on them. i enjoyed my weekend. positive thinking is very powerful. i have learned this of late.

we did the usual stuff.

bbq.

swimming.

ice cream...

beer...for me, not the kids. ;) it's empty. that was the point. they were gooood.

fireworks.

they are legal here. we hung out on our street for most of the evening. the fireworks were amazing! seemed as though everyone in our neighborhood had them and they went off all day and night. pretty cool.

spent a better part of the weekend watching the denise richards reality show on E. they had a marathon. i usually don't watch tv unless i can catch forensic files or the first 48...i love true crime shows. but other than that, i just don't have the time. but had the time this weekend. and i indulged in reality tv crap. it just kinda pulled me in.

but you see that little basket on my table? i scrapbooked while i watched! i made my entries for the american crafts call. had my application all ready to go and saved as a draft in my inbox. and decided last minute to make new stuff for the call. really glad i did because i love the projects i made. wanted to share them with y'all!

they call asks for 2 projects using mainly american crafts product. i did a layout and a mini book.

i really love that layout. it's one of my favorites i have done. it's a little different for me. but i am proud of that one. i think i'm going to submit it. i haven't submitted anything in forever...but i think i will this time.

here's my mini for the call....it's titled "welcome summer"

so there's my entries. i'm glad i decided to make 2 projects especially for the call, rather than using some older layouts. it was fun to make stuff....and i really like those 2 projects.

also made three other layouts just for fun. i was feeling very creative this holiday weekend! i will have to share one of them later...i made one on a hambly overlay and i gotta get a good photo of it. not sure how to do that?? holding it?? might have to use my timer.

i love when i feel super creative. it isn't often that i just kinda roll from one project to the next. with inspiration the whole time. i love when i just get into a groove and GO. for me, i get so much more out of scrapbooking than i put into it. i know if i'm honest with myself, it's a way for me to escape from my problems. as of late, it helps me to not dwell. helps me to at times, get stuff out that is personal to me on paper. those times are good. it's good to get those things out in a creative way. and then there's the times where i don't want to scrapbook about the heavy shit. i just want to get away from those things and do something i enjoy. it helps me to forget...

is that healthy??? i don't really know. all i know is it makes me feel better. and so therefore in my eyes...it's all good.

tomorrow is miss lily's party. i am oh-so-excited!!! i made pretty pink cupcakes with sparkly sprinkles on them...got her a ton of hannah montana stuff....got the cutest little pink drinking goblets and matching ice cream dishes from the dollar store. gonna set up a little place for each of her guests at the table. the tissue paper garland is all ready to be hung. we're having a "cooking and crafting party". they are each going to make their own mini pizzas. and i got these cute foam frames and stuff to decorate them. i'm setting up a little craft table for the girls to decorate the frames. i'm gonna get a photo of all of them together when they first get here and get in my bedroom at some point to print them out so they can put them in the frames when they are done. it's gonna be a fa-bu-lous party. i will share photos of the party tomorrow!

well i gotta get to bed! getting up at the crack of dawn to go for my run. it's good i remembered to write that because it reminded me that i need to put my ipod on the charger! :)

peace,
kate

 

just a quickie ;)

got a lot goin' on right now. but wanted to do a quick post while i have a few moments to myself.

it's been a crazy busy week so far. i'm getting tired. i can feel myself getting sick. not good. it usually happens a few times a year. i physically and mentally wear myself out. 9 children. i've been taking care of my 7 and the 2 i babysit. all summer. and i'm exhausted. this is my last week of babysitting. hallelujah! i'm so over babysitting. the money was good. it helped. but i'm ready to be done. close the doors for a few days and just enjoy my own. i need a long, good rest. yep. that's what i plan on doing next week. after the birthday party last week, all the running after kiddos and planning my lily's birthday party this coming weekend....i'm pooped.

we went blackberry picking again this week. not many left. the heat is really setting in. most of them were dried up to nothing. and we're not even to the hottest part of the year yet. we're doing everything we can to keep cool. but not much works! it's brutal. when i got in my truck this afternoon the thermometer read 110 degrees. yeah, that's hot.

we made "flubber" today. the kids had a blast playing with it. it provided hours of entertainment. cheap. fun. my kinda summer activity. let me know if you might like the recipe. cool thing is it doesn't stick to anything. no mess. and i love that. ;)

also did some scrapbooking with my eldest daughter. always fun when we get to create together. snapped this photo and she was so pissed that i took it without warning. ya' know she's a teenager and all...

so she had to pose for this one to make up for it.

so scrapbooking means i have some layouts to share. have so many other ideas floating around in my head for more layouts. but need new printer ink. need to scrapbook more! this weekend. wait...the party. next week then!

love the new ki stuff. so pretty.

always feels good to scrapbook!

more scrapbooking news....

my scrapbooks etc. layout. never really talked about it 'cause i felt so silly that is wasn't in the may/june issue. we were chatting over at 2peas today and i was talking about how my layout wasn't in the mag and they never responded to me about what happened. got an email from the freakin' editor of the magazine about an hour later. apparently the section my layout was supposed to be in was bumped to the august/september issue. so it will actually be in print. made me feel better. 'cause i really felt like an idiot when i told all my family and friends to look for it back in may and it wasn't there. not a huge deal. but cool to know it will still be in print.

also.....this made my day! laura kurtz...a garden girl over at 2peas featured my work on the 2peas blog. you can check it out here if you want! it meant a lot to me 'cause laura is someone i really admire. her work has always inspired me. very clean and graphic. so that was another cool treat.

let's see....what else. have a few cool 365's to share!

we have a pond behind my house. i sometimes go out there in the morning to drink my coffee and meditate. love the peaceful view.

and another feet photo. for whatever reason i really love feet photos! lol!

and a self shot.

my little mini class is up over at dig deeper. so excited for everyone to get their kits in the mail and to start seeing some minis! :)

i applied for both the hambly and american crafts design team calls. usually don't tell anymore when i apply for anything. but figured what the hey. those are my 2 favorite companies and i would love to work for them. hoping. fingers crossed. as either would be a dream come true. anyone else applied for either of them?? you never know if you don't try.......right?

well i guess that's about it. i am doing a self imposed break for myself. of course will be checking up on the dig deeper site for any questions but other than that....this time i mean it. i'm taking a break. gonna finish up this week and get ready for the party this weekend and taking a little vacation right here in my own home. not going anywhere. not gonna do much of anything but rest. i need it. so it will be a while this time, seriously, until i'm back around here. sometimes i just need to unplug and recharge. and i'm definitely at that point at this moment.

so i'm out....for now! take care gals!

much love and peace,
kate the great!

UPDATED: people have asked in the comments section and therefore they shall receive! ;)
FLUBBER RECIPE!

the untitled post

because i am feeling uncreative at the moment! :)

once again, blown away by the love and support of this online scrapbooking community. did y'all read the comments in the post below? such wisdom. such goodness. such love. each and every comment left meant a great deal to me. it still amazes me that people take the time to come here and read what little ole' me has to say. and that y'all take the time to respond and to share such kind and thoughtful words with someone that most of you have never even met. it's a beautiful thing. and i'm so thankful. and very grateful. the words shared brought me comfort.

i am doing better. as i always do! i have a rough spell. and then it always does get better. and one of the reasons it always gets better is the love and support i have in my life. not only did i have all of those wonderful comments to read, both of my sisters called me when they read my blog and we had wonderful talks. my 2 sisters are very wise and often can see things that i cannot. they give me advice, strength and encouragement and they mean more to me than i could express. and i can't forget my cousin as well whom always takes the time as well to read my blog and leaves such beautiful comments she makes me cry! so just a little shout-out to those 3 women who are my very best friends in this life. without them, i seriously do not know where i would be. i am a very blessed woman indeed.

i'm still not 100%. still can't quite shake the loneliness and sadness that is in my heart. but i'm dealing. and slowly making progress. i always jokingly tell my middle sister (i am the oldest with 2 younger sisters) that she is more like the eldest. she is just an old soul. and never fails to offer some piece of advice that make me go "ah-ha!". she is an ashanti yoga student and travels across the country learning and practicing her craft. she has found a peace and comfort in this life that has come from her yoga that i so want to have one day. a beautiful woman. she told me that i need to find peace in the moment. live in the present moment. not look to the past....not dream of the future. that real peace will come when i can attain that simple task. finding joy and happiness in the present. my sweet sister...would you mind sharing the goldfish story your yoga teacher shared with you in the comments section of this post? i know my readers would love to hear that. and it just clicked with me. really made me think.

so enough of that. for now, for the moment, i am ok. i am good. and i will get better with each passing moment. i hope! ;) i realize though, i don't have to feel like it's the end of the world or i'm starting all over again when the hard times come. and i don't have to say that i'm sorry for it. or feel bad about it. it's simply a part of what i'm going through. and it's OK. and i'm bound to have a lot more struggles to go through to get to where i want to be. and y'all know i will blog about it when i do. the good and the bad. i don't hold back. it helps so very much to get it out. i have been criticized for putting it "all out there" on this public forum before. i know some think i'm crazy to do so. but whatthehellever. if i want to put it all down in words here that's my choice. if some don't like it or don't agree.....don't read. this is my little place. and i can't see giving up my blogging anytime soon. it's therapeutic for me. people are bound to criticize us in our lives. and i've gotten a lot of slack in personal emails and voiced opinions directly to me for sharing my thoughts and feelings here. but i'm not the kind of girl who needs a gazillion friends and i don't feel the need to have everyone like me. especially if those friendships are built upon fakeness. i am what i am. take it or leave it. and i put it all out there. and that's that.

on to the weekend. it was great! my son's party went perfectly. he had a little sleepover party on saturday night with his friends. he got rock band as his gift. and let me tell you...i am not into video games. but this game is FUN!!! i was up til 3am on friday night playing with them. i sing. HA! let me rephrase that....i try to sing! :) it's fun. the songs are cool. garbage, weezer, beastie boys. i was rocking out with my boys. and enjoyed every minute of it!

oh my. he is SO handsome!

look at this cutie.


so it was a good weekend.

now on to the week! got some new info up at the dig deeper site. can't wait for the 1st and to get it all started! and can not wait to see what everyone does with the kit that i put together. that's gonna be a pretty amazing feeling. to see others make stuff with product i put together. freakin' amazing.

i feel a bit of the creative bug hitting me again. so i think i'll be picking up the glue stick and paper this week (and some have asked, so yes, i really do use a glue stick. for all my projects. it's cheap. and it works). so check back for some projects. i need to make something. anything. need that creative release.

well i guess that's about it. gonna as always, leave you with a few 365's. getting pretty predictable. a few self shots and some sky shots. the thunderstorms here in southern louisiana are pretty amazing this time of year. we have them just about every evening. you just don't go out without an umbrella during the summer. just how it goes here. i love my home state. love living in the south. wouldn't trade if for anything in the world. after so long of living 1000 miles away from my family....from my home....i wake up every morning so very thankful that i am here. i am home.

oh...and if you are looking for something to pretty up your desktop....i adore these desktop wallpapers real simple has. you can find them here. i have the fortune cookie one up on mine.

much love and peace to each and every one of you!
kate the great :)

UPDATED TO ADD: my sister was kind enough to post in the comments section about the goldfish story and i thought i would add it to the main post:

The goldfish story: A teacher I took a workshop with (Kino MacGregor) told this story and it resonated with me. Our bodies & minds create limitations within ourselves. We begin to believe they are true. We live our lives as if they are the true reality. That these limits are tangible and real. Just like some fish. If you place a fish in a small 3x5 aquarium they swim around realizing their boundaries and live within those boundaries. If you remove the fish from 3x5 space and place in a larger space they will still only swim within the 3x5 boundaries because they have set these limitations within their neurological cells. They believe that is as far as they can go. As humans we tend to say to ourselves “I am too fat for this, I am too old for that, I am too tall for this, I am this…that and the other” We make up excuses. We set these limitations within ourselves and believe they are true. In her workshop she was able to bend my not so flexible body into advanced yoga postures. I always told myself I will never be that flexible or able to do ____ posture. However I was putting those limitations on myself. She put me into a posture I thought wasn’t possible. However, it was possible, my body went there, it was tough, but it went there. So obviously I was holding myself back…. I think you can apply this to so may different levels of life. When we create limitations for ourselves….we live within those limitations. I also strongly believe in a healthy lifestyle and that if your body isn’t strong your mind can’t be strong. And when you work on what is tangible like your body you can begin to work on your mind. That is the basis of Ashtanga Yoga. I also feel that with a regular meditation/prayer practice you can find a grounded moment in your daily life to find peace and help to cultivate a “living in the moment” response. Being present rather than reacting. Okay…I doubt this is truly interesting to anyone. But there you have it.

not sure if i should....

blog that is. or not.

because i'm in a pretty pissy mood. and it's usually when i blog and i'm running on pure emotion...that i wake up the next morning and say "why oh why did i put that out there?". but i guess blogging when i'm feeling a bit down in the dumps is much better than some other things i could be getting myself into. right???

life. man oh man. i'm getting pretty sick of this roller coaster ride i've been on for some time now. believe me....every morning that i wake up...i always have the same wish. always. that somehow, some way, everything that has happened to me in the past year could just be erased. and i could go back to the dreams i once had, and go back to living the life i once lived. the life i thought i would live for the rest of my life. i wish it with all of my heart. all of my soul. and then i get out of my bed, and i'm faced with my new reality. and i've got to be brutally honest here...with myself. this new reality..it ain't all it's cracked up to be. it's fucking tough.

all i ever wanted to be in life was a mother and wife. it sounds so cliche. i know. but it's the truth. it's my truth. i would have been happy being at home, taking care of my family and being domestic. forever. it's what i wanted more than anything. and it's what i thought i had. i try not to think of these things too often. because they deter me from what i have to do. they deter me from the mindset i have to stay in to get to where i need to be.

and damnit. every time i make some progress...it hits me again. especially late at night. like now.

the loneliness. good god. if i could take away any part of this process the loneliness would be IT.

if there's anything i'm struggling with right now...it's that. one could wonder how in the world i'm lonely with all of my children. with everything i have to do in a day how the heck do i even have time to know that i'm lonely? but it creeps up on me. when the house is quiet, the children are asleep and it's just me. or when i have time away from my children and it's just me. i try to tell myself that i am enough. i can find whatever i need or want within myself. and i do believe in that. i believe those words to be truth. in moments of clarity! ha! but in moments of weakness it's easy to say "poor me". and start the fucking pity party all over again. the truth is, that i hate being lonely. i shared my life with someone whom i thought was my very best friend for 10 years. and one morning woke up to find that the rug of security and comfort had been yanked out from under me. and since that day,

it's be me.

myself.

and i.

i know i've learned a lot from this. i've gained strength. i've learned exactly who it is that i am, what it is that i want out of life, and what i'm made of. i am strong. i have to be. but that doesn't mean i can't allow myself moments of weakness. and i'm having one now. in moments like this one,

right now,

10:26 pm on Thursday the 26th of June,

i feel weak. i feel alone. and the joy and strength that has been coming more often into my life, has quickly been replaced by an overwhelming sadness.

i feel like if there was a punching bag here in my bedroom i'd beat the shit out of it. maybe i need to buy one eh? yeah. i think i do.

so all of this reflecting. god damn. i get so sick of myself sometimes! i wish a lot of days i didn't think so much. that i didn't feel so much.

but i've never felt life before, like i do right now.

i've never seen life before, like i do right now.

and i've never felt so in control of my life before, like i do right now.

all of this....the good...the bad. i have to hold fast to the belief that is was meant to happen. that it is somehow part of a bigger plan.

so enough of this shit. i'm so so so so done with it. i just wish it would be done with me.

well i'm going to pull my boots up now. pretend i'm not standing knee deep in shit...and i'm going to pull myself together and get on with it. i am going to bed. by myself. i will wake up. by myself. and i will do this. by myself.

i have a son who turns 10 tomorrow. a birthday party to put on for him on saturday and i have to finish getting the kits in boxes so they can go out when the usps guy gets to me on saturday morning to pick them up. i've got children to raise, work to do, a life to lead and damnit... i will not let this break me. that i won't do. onwards with the journey. tomorrow will be a better day. yes it will. because i will make it so. as this song says..."when your life is so so dreary......dream." and i'm off to bed to do just that. dream of what my life will become. as the old saying goes...this too shall pass. i believe that. with everything within me. i have to.

peace,
kate

and a few 365s so this post doesn't end on a completely depressing note.

i'm back

already. told 'ya yesterday i wasn't done! :) didn't have much time yesterday. and i might not be back to blogging for a week or so. more likely the "or so" part. as my summer is just about over! not really....the lazy part that is.

this is my last week of babysitting. then i gotta start looking for a job for august. the children go back to school on the 8th of august. can you believe? that is way early. so gonna get a head start on finding something. i have to find someone willing to work with my schedule. i absolutely must be here to get my children on the bus in the morning and here to see them get off the bus in the afternoon after school. i will not compromise that. i know i have often spoken of wishing to go back to school myself. i even applied for financial aid. it sounds great in theory. and is something i will do, eventually. but unfortunately, i live in the real world. and my reality is that i have my kids and myself to take care of. i need to very simply, bring some money into my home. i am of course, going to make some $ off of my kit club. and that combined with a "part-timeish" job, and the help i get from their dad, should do us just fine!for now. until i can get my ass back in college and get that degree. lesson learned mom. the hard way. she always told me to get a degree before having children. funny how that shit comes back to bite you in the ass. when you're young you think you know everything. now i know how wise my mother was back in the day.

but i have a lot to do between now and august 8th. gotta' get the kids in for physicals for school. buy school supplies. school clothes. school shoes. find a job. move. (finally.) and do the kit stuff as well. and the mommy stuff. and my head is now about to explode. mainly 'cause a few of those things are BIG things. and i get overwhelmed when i have big things to take care of.  football season is about to start as well for my boys. that's 4 days a week we have 3 hours of practice (and we can't just drop the children off as it's tackle football and the risk of injury is there, so we have to sit) and games on saturdays. and lily is gonna be a cheerleader for their team this year. i'll put my running shoes on come august 8th and won't take them off until mid-november when football season is through. :)

so one week left. i plan to lounge the first few days of this week and just be with my children. we're going blackberry picking again today and swimming. come wednesday it's time to start packing kits. i'm sending them out on friday. three days early. :) i think i've found my groove in how to work things with the kit club. it is a lot more work than i had anticipated. but i think i've got a good system worked out. i still have a lot of things on my to-do list. i need to work on the blog, make some updates, order our custom boxes (we are gonna have ones with our logo on it!), set up more wholesale accounts and meet with my accountant who is helping me with all of this. whew. my life is definitely full at the moment. joyfully full.

as crazy as it all is when i think of everything all at once that is on my plate.....it's amazingly beautiful to me at the same time. because i'm doing it. the work...the stress...to me, it's all worth it. i'm in charge of my life. and i'm driving full speed ahead in the direction of exactly where i have wanted my life to be for so very long. every last little bit of hard work.....more worth it than i could possibly ever explain. gosh i've been feeling so darn happy and optimistic for the last week. i really feel like the tides are turning for me and everything is changing. i'm gonna have to invite y'all over for a party soon! to celebrate the changing of seasons for me in my life.

i got this shot the other day. my favorite 365 to date. this one...symbolizes to me, the change that is taking place within me at this very moment. a culmination of sorts, like when you turn the page in a book to find yourself surprised you are already starting a new chapter. i have pretty much come to terms with the fact that i'm not going to be able to wrap up these personal things i've been struggling with all nice and neat before i'm able to let go and move on. sometimes the answers i'm looking for just don't come. they might not come for years. and i can't live my life the way that i have been anymore. i have to just let go. because quite frankly...i'm getting a lot sick of myself and my pity party. i won't dwell anymore. coming to those realizations makes me happy. and i feel lighter somehow.

on a completely random note. anyone seen this?

watched some of it yesterday. it's really really really good. a little in your face. a lot crass. but good.

it had me from the theme song...

"   Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes made of ticky tacky
  Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes all the same
  There's a green one and a pink one and a blue one and a yellow one
  And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

  And the people in the houses all went to the university
  Where they were put in boxes and they came out all the same,
  And there's doctors and there's lawyers, and business executives
  And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

  And they all play on the golf course and drink their martinis dry,
  And they all have pretty children and the children go to school
  And the children go to summer camp and then to the university
  Where they are put in boxes and they come out all the same.

  And the boys go into business and marry and raise a family
  In boxes made of ticky tacky and they all look just the same."

i love that little song. and love the show. need to buy all the seasons of this show now.

have another layout to share. didn't get this one uploaded for yesterday's post.

and lastly, i am being inspired by a bunch of girls with the name amber as of late!

go and check out miss amber's post on her blog. the second one down. june 18th. she is where i will be one day. her journey in life has inspired me for a long time. i found her blog a while ago. and just sat and read. and read. i felt like i was looking in a mirror when reading a lot of her entries. she puts, rather simply and eloquently, into words...what takes me paragraphs to write.

and this amber took a little break from scrapping and blogging. she was one of my first scrapbook crushes when i first started scrapbooking a few years ago. i've missed her presence in blogland and in the scrapping world. so, so, so glad to see her back. i'm hoping to have her do something with our kits in the future. her work is amazing.

alright. well that's it. i think i crammed everything into this post that i wanted to yesterday but didn't have time! if you don't see me 'round here for a bit...don't worry! i'm fine. i'll be out enjoying my children and busy making my dreams a reality!

have a fabulous week!

peace,
kate

ps...i'll be getting to my inbox later tonight. i opened it to find it full and closed it immediately. i can't deal today. i'm ready to go run through the woods picking blackberries with my kids! :) if you have sent me an email i'll get to it tonight! i promise.

what a weekend it's been....

my youngest is testing my patience this weekend.

i like to call him my "joyful handful". :)

that he certainly is. can't turn my back on him. or he finds some sort of trouble to get into. the funny thing is he is brutally honest. if i ask "who did this?"...he'll walk right up and say "ME!" with the cutest little grin on his face. then he'll say he's sorry and help with cleaning whatever disaster he has created. i just can't stay mad. seriously.

so far this weekend...my toilet has had some unwanted visitors. he was very patient in explaining to his rather perplexed mother that the superhero guys just wanted to go swimming in the pool. alright. that i can understand. didn't love having to dig those guys out...and secretly throw them away while he wasn't looking.

alright. that one was easy. but...not even a freakin' half hour later...i was fixing up lunch and came to find him to come to eat only to find this...

yep. he used my brand new 7gypsies stamps to decorate his brother's bedroom door.

um...it won't come out. not with a magic eraser, not with major elbow grease. nothing. thanks mr. elliott. momma appreciates that one. :)

i'm not done. tonight after dinner, and multiple times of his mother telling him that dessert would be after baths, he got himself in some more trouble. everyone needed a bath. i'm supervising and yelling at kids through the door to make sure they use soap (cause ya' know kids don't like to use that stuff...especially boys), doling out towels and barking orders and what does he get himself into? why he helps himself to a nice serving of oreos. that he eats sitting on the carpet behind the sofa. and leaves a nice little pile o' evidence behind.

yeah. it's been a day! but really..dude..how could i be mad at this face?

i had a few hours without the kids friday night. it was nice. my absolute favorite thing to do while i am childless is to just drive. i will get a coffee and turn up the music and drive. it does my soul good.

we had a bit of a storm coming through when i went out. had to snap a few photos. luckily, i didn't get caught in it. it passed right over.

i safely got my coffee and got to my drive and out of the way of that storm!

i felt like jamaica when i took this shot...

it was a nice drive. and it was nice to have a little bit of time to clear my head and regroup before coming home to full on mommy mode again. i look forward to my bits and pieces of "me time". i don't get them often. so i savor them when i do.

got a few projects to share. first my 365 project photos finally have a home. been wanting to do a book like this for a while. i kept it really simple. just wanted it to be like a photo flip book. no need for lots of journaling as i've scrapbooked most of these photos. just want to have a photo book of my year. i backed every photo with either cardstock or patterned paper. i have lots of extras for photos throughout the remainder of the year.

there's more...but i've got another project to share so i'll put an album up on the sidebar.

this is going to be an on-going project as well. i made a mini on the theme of my layout from the last post. "GO". it's going to be filled with my goals, things i need to work on, stuff like that. my "life to-do list". i love it so far.

i stuck in a copy of my business license and tax id stuff. :)

that's about it. both of those books will be more "art in progress". i'm gonna get some albums up in the sidebar.

well i think that's about it. might be back tomorrow. have some more stuff i want to write but no time. see ya' soon!

peace!
kate

 

hi there!

how are you today???

me, i've been having a really good stretch of good days. actually, really really good days. i'm kinda getting used to the ebb and flow of my life the way it is at the present moment. ups and downs. really never know how the day is gonna go until i wake up in the morning. i just never know. ha! but that's where i'm at. i realized a few days ago, at the end of the day while doing my meditations....that i hadn't worried that day. not once. for that day, i had peace. i lived in the moment and just accepted the peace and happiness that day held for me. without cringing knowing for damn sure, that it wouldn't last any definite amount of time. that day....i just let it come. and for me, that's big. huge. all happiness of late, has been tempered with extreme caution. because usually just as peace and happy days come, and i'm starting to get used to it, they make a drastic exit. and some new drama or hardship ensues.

but i've been doing good. i feel as though each day, things get a little better for me emotionally. each day a little more healing creeps in. a little more forgiveness finds it's way to my heart. and even through the hard and dark days...i'm learning stuff. figuring stuff out. and i feel myself getting close...to the end. of this part of my journey that i've been on. i see a light at the end of the tunnel, and feel as though i've found the answers to a lot of what i've been looking for. letting go is never easy. forgiving is never easy. accepting an entirely different life than the one you had planned is fucking hard. but i threw myself in completely. i held nothing back. i searched every inch of my soul and my heart. and i can just feel it.....it's almost done. i feel as though i'm about to get to the top of the mountain. and it'll be downhill from there. at least this part of my journey. and i sure as hell hope this personal shit i've been going through is gonna be the hardest trial i have to face in my life. seriously. i could use a break big man if you're listening! :)

this video so inspired me. i had to put the song up on my blog. she's amazing. i watched it twice. i had to. for me, this video is the personification of life. we are bound to falter. bound to fall. the beauty is in the getting up. the standing. the forging ahead. the relentless pursuit of our passions...of our goals.

she inspired me. GO LIBBY!

after watching that....

i had to make this. i'm putting it up on my inspo board. the last line is inspired by a comment melanie left  me on one of my posts that really stuck with me.

i also made a layout of my baby boy....he's not really a baby anymore. he'll go to school next year! but he's the youngest. so he's stuck with it. he will forever be my baby. he'll just have to deal.

he's so freakin' adorable. he never fails to make me smile. and vice versa. he's a momma's boy. yes he is! :) but aren't all little boys?

i have some totally random photos to share. just some shots from the last week or so. nothin' special!

i think i have a starbuck's addiction.

my coffee mug collection...they go all the way back.

my favorites are the new orleans and chicago mugs. i rotate with those usually every day. the two places i spent the most time in. they are special to me. but this new one.....be still my heart. it's my #1 favorite!

it's made of heavy duty, insulated plastic. the lid screws on, even the straw is plastic! i adore it. it's perfect for the iced coffee i make at home and iced tea as well. i use it every single day.

i don't go to starbuck's often these days! :( with the price of gas....(i drive a suburban mind you) plus the cost of coffee...it's a rare treat. but i got to go the other day! it made my entire day. i buy their mocha powder and espresso beans and i can make iced coffee and hot coffee at home. but i can't make one of these....

so good. especially when it's a hundred degrees out and 100% humidity. it's fucking hot here. seriously. and will be clear though october. but i'm not complaining. i adore summer. revel in it. wish it could be summer 365.

more photos...
flowers for my daughters. a weekly tradition.

i put them in their room.

finally gonna get these guys into books. got some american crafts 8 1/2 x 11 ring albums. can't wait to get them all put away. i got 2 for all of my personal "about me" layouts. my books. and 2 for the layouts for the children. still don't know if they will all fit. might need a few more albums! :) why is that actual albums is usually the last thing we scrapbookers buy? we create and create and just stack 'em up. i haven't purchased an album in a year. a freakin' year. have no clue what is up with that. gonna try to do better at getting them in albums. doubt if i'll follow through though! lol!

and i adore these little stamps. adore. adore. adore. you should get some!

i think they were 3 bucks or something like that. super cheap. and that camera stamp! isn't it adorable? gonna get a lot of use out of those.

and a 365....a very good day.

well i guess that's about it. it's FRIDAY! yeah! i plan to scrapbook this weekend. and scrapbook some more! and maybe do another video blog post for monday. have a fabulous weekend gals! i'm gonna hit refresh on my blog and dance....the song playing right now just makes me want to get up and dance. and smile. and live my life. to the fullest. GO. care to join me?

much love and peace!
kate

ps....if you haven't been by mandi's blog stop on over and visit for a few. damn. that girl is super inspiring. watching her art grow over the past few months has been a real treat. her work continues to get more inspiring with each piece she makes. she's one of my absolute faves. 

lots to share....

hope you've got a few minutes. 'cause i'm about to ramble! :)

have you seen this? i got to guest jack with the girls! we jacked the fabulous miss kara. if there was any jack i would have wanted to be a guest for...this was the one. kara is one of my favorites. definitely. go and check out the jack. and play along! kara's mini is mad inspiring and bound to get you wanting to create. my mini is based on the coldplay song.."these are things i don't understand." love that song. loved this jack.

next on to thank yous for all the lovely comments below. again...you girls lift my spirits. love and peace to each and every one of you. your words made me smile. some of you said you expected more of a southern accent! lol! i lived in chicago from 1999-2006. i developed a very strong northern accent. it took me forever to just pick back up saying "y'all" instead of "you guys". people just look at you strange down here when you say "you guys" or call soda, "pop". i had to literally teach myself to start saying y'all again. if i caught myself saying you guys..i would stop and correct myself and eventually it came back. before moving up north i had a strong southern accent as i was born and raised here. it's coming back to me...slowly! as the old saying goes...you can take a girl out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the girl. i'm a southern girl through and through. and damn proud of it! :)

i had such a lovely lovely weekend. spent every second i could with my children. took the whole crew to mcdonald's. that's a rare treat for us. i'm not big on the playlands. i'm a germophobe and as i watch the kids playing i can't quit thinking of how unsanitary those things are. but every now and again i cave. it was just too hot to pick it up and go to the park...which is my usual choice. i got a few really cute photos of the children...

then that night took my daughter's out to chili's to eat, kinda to celebrate my daughter's graduation from 8th grade as we never got the change to do this, even though we've been planning it for weeks. we had a great time! just us girls.




i didn't adjust my settings properly for that last photo. but i still love it. my teenager is really coming into her own. blossoming. she got her braces off a few weeks back...and the change is immense. i feel as though i am now getting a glimpse of what she will look like as a woman. she's beautiful. they both are.

today i spent the day scrapbooking. it was lovely. i haven't done that in a while. and i listened to music the whole time. i wanted to do a cool screen shot of my top 25 played on itunes but don't know how! lol! so i'm gonna list 'em! just in case anyone is looking for anything new to download...these are all of my current faves....played out tunes on itunes....

1. the award for the most played song in my itunes is.....the song playing on my blog right now..."please" by ray lamontagne. man. he's amazing. his music just pulls me in.

2. hero - foo fighters

3. we live in a beautiful world - coldplay

4. rest my chemistry - interpol

5. looking out my back door - ccr

6.  walk this world - heather nova

7. in the end - breaking benjamin

8. the pusher - blind melon

9. king without a crown - matisyahu

10. fade into you - mazzy star

11. me, i'm not - nine inch nails

12. such great heights - the postal service

13. streets of philadelphia - bruce springsteen

14. talk show host - radiohead

15. know your enemy - rage against the machine

16. fair - remy zero

17. 1979 - smashing pumpkins

18. changes - tupac

19. caring is creepy - the shins

20. revolution - tracy chapman

21. lazy eye - silversun pickups

22. signal fire - snow patrol

23. won't back down - the fabulous tom petty

24. silent all these years - tori amos

25. and last, (but most certainly not least) elsewhere by sarah mclaghlan

i have very eclectic taste in music!but it makes my world spin...seriously. could not live without it. and need it either via the pc or the ipod while scrapping. anyone else have to listen to music while scrapping??

now onward to the layouts! :)

ahhh....it felt so damn good to scrapbook. really really good. felt like it had been forever since i made a page.

now into the week and more summer fun! i'll try to check in if the children allow! ;) hope your week is fabulous!

leaving with you of a photo...this just made me crack up.

a redneck macy's.

wow.

and it was packed.

double wow.

that's it.

peace out!
kate

because all the cool kids are doing it......

you'll need to turn the volume up....and turn the music off on the sidebar! lol!

blah

that's how i feel right now. just blah.

my life has consisted of this for the past week or so....

i'm still kinda amazed at how well opening day went. that morning as the orders came pouring in i kept saying to myself....no fucking way! seriously??? i could not believe we sold out before i even made it to my inbox. i have a waiting list for next month's kit a mile long. each and every order that came in made me smile. i am just so thankful. grateful. blessed.

i didn't quite realize how much work it would be to do all of this. crazy i tell 'ya! but crazy in a good way. it feels so strange to go so long without scrapbooking for myself. i don't know when i will get around to that again. might be a while! :)

between the kits and my children....i've been insanely busy. trying to manage and balance it all.

the kiddos and i went blackberry picking over the weekend. i used to do that as a kid. my mama would take me and my sisters. taking my own children (and the kiddos i babysit for)  brought back fond memories of my own childhood. you just have to find some woods round here. the blackberries are everywhere. you just have to watch out for snakes.

on the way back from our trek through the woods....at 100 degree temps...we were so very very hot and found this pond and jumped in to cool off.

fun times.

so yeah. it's been busy. i find myself panicking as i don't know quite how i am going to juggle all of this come august when the children go back to school and i'm working full time, being a mommy, running the kit club and all of the other things a working mom has to do. i guess i'll figure it out somehow. i have faith. in me. but i am a little scared. i'm the kind of girl who doesn't do anything half-ass. i'm a perfectionist. with my kids, myself, my house, my work...all of it. and i don't really think that's a good thing most of the time. i put far more pressure on myself than anyone else does. i really really need to learn to let go a little more and not push myself so hard.

basically i need to learn to relax a little more. ok...i'll be honest - a LOT more. ha! i'm working on that.

i've been having a rough time of it lately. not sleeping much at all. when my head finally hits the pillow late into the night, i'm exhausted. mentally and physically. yet sleep will not come. my mind just races. with all the things i did that day, all the things i didn't get to, all the problems i'm having in my life. and sleep eludes me. i seem to finally fall into sleep about an hour before the alarm goes off at 5:30 am and that just is not working. gonna give it another week or so and if i'm still not sleeping will have to go and see the dr. hate taking any kind of medications. have a real aversion to it. but this just isn't working. i can't get my mind to stop.

i haven't been sharing much about my personal life here these days. trying to keep it all in a little more. but still dealing with stuff. a lot actually. and it seems the more i try to pretend i'm ok....that i'm just fine....the more the sadness creeps up on me. i'm not just fine actually. i'm struggling. hard. grieving i guess you could say. i know that in the end, i will be ok. more than ok. but right now, i'm just not. and instead of fighting it so much, i guess i just need to let it come. and deal. work through it. it's just so much easier to pretend it's not there. the hurt. the sadness. the pain. i feel like someone stabbed me in the heart most days. and the pain at times is more than emotional...it's physical too. sometimes it hits me so hard it almost doubles me over.

i made this layout a while back. shared it only with my flickr friends. it actually made "explore" on flickr. which made me happy! i was feeling strong the day that i made this. wish i could feel strong every day. i wanted to share it with all of you tonight. it's the most personal piece i have ever made. and i often read my words again when i'm having a moment of weakness. it helps. a lot.

it feels a bit funny to share it at all on such a public forum. but what the hell. that's what i do best! sharing little bits and pieces of me in my photographs and layouts.

so send some good thoughts my way if you wouldn't mind! i could certainly use them right now. i have some things going on in my life that i just can't share right now. soon. but not right now.

been taking a lot of self shots lately. taking photographs for me, is almost as therapeutic as making stuff with paper and glue. i used to feel so funny about photographing myself. what would people think??? now i don't give a fuck. this is me. and every photo i take, if i don't scrapbook it, i journal on the back. every single photograph of myself, brings back a memory, an emotion. i am documenting my life in the way of photos. through this very rough season of my life, my photos have brought me comfort. and reminded me that i am beautiful....on the inside....where it matters most. i only take photos when i am feeling something. my self shots of the past 6 months tell a story of sorts. i take them when i feel like shit. i take them when i am deliriously happy. i take them when i feel blah. like today. i plan to make a book of my 365's. because a story they do indeed tell.

these are my favorite self shots from the past few months. through the ups and downs my life has brought my way.

those are my favorites. because i can remember exactly what i was going through...what i was feeling...when i took the shot. hopefully in sharing the photos i do here, i will inspire another woman to pick up the camera, document your life...in a photograph. for me, it helps. immensely.

well, i guess that's about it. when i feel introspective...i write. if you've made it through all this muck, thanks for listening to me ramble! i feel a bit better now. as i always do when i blog. sharing my life with all of you insanely creative women, is very helpful to me.

i just hope and pray, every single day...that one day my life and my blog will be full of all happiness and good stuff! shit is bound to occur. this is life after all. i just hope to get to a point that the good stuff outweighs the hard. one day. one day you will come to read here and day after day....it will be good. but for now, this is where i'm at. and i've got to accept it and deal. and that's what i'm gonna do!

peace out!
kate the great